Wednesday, December 31, 2014

REFLECTION: Stop searching out, start looking in.

*for some personal reasons, I'm going to use Bahasa in the majority of the passage 

Tepat 1 tahun yang lalu, 1 Januari 2014. Jam 2 pagi, semua orang sudah terlelap. Saya yang masih tidak mengantuk hanya duduk sendirian di ruang TV, mulai memikirkan mengenai apa yang sudah terjadi 1 tahun belakangan. Begitu banyak yang sudah saya dapatkan dan seharusnya saya syukuri. Namun saya tetap tidak merasakan apapun. Hampa, seakan kehidupan belum terasa lengkap.  

Don’t get me wrong: I am thankful for all the privilege that I got. But there was this feeling, when you just feel like you’re missing something. Saya merasa ada yang salah dalam kehidupan saya. Saya merasa hidup ini hanyalah sekumpulan rutinitas yang harus diselesaikan. Saya merasa bahwa setiap hal yang saya lakukan di hidup saya tidak pernah bisa memuaskan diri saya sendiri, terlebih orang lain. Apa yang saya buat tidak pernah sesuai dengan yang saya inginkan, tak pernah sesempurna yang saya mau. Apakah salah mencari kesempurnaan? Apakah kesempurnaan itu ada? Ataukah kesempurnaan hanyalah fatamorgana yang membuat kita sebagai manusia lari kearah yang salah di tengah gersangnya gurun kehidupan? Hingga saya tiba disatu titik dimana merasa saya tidak bahagia.

Namun di titik itu pula saya mempertanyakan, apa itu kebahagiaan? Apa itu kesempurnaan? Saya yang masih terus bertanya-tanya memutuskan untuk menjadikan kedua pertanyaan ini menjadi resolusi saya di tahun 2014. Saya merasa mempunyai kewajiban untuk menemukan jawaban dari pertanyaan tersebut.

I carried those questions throughout the year. Sampai-sampai, tanpa disengaja seluruh perbincangan saya bersama teman-teman saya terus terjerumus kearah pertanyaan-pertanyaan tersebut. Banyak jawaban yang saya terima. Ada yang bilang kebahagiaan itu ada kalau kita percaya kebahagiaan itu ada. Ada pula yang bilang kebahagiaan itu akan datang dengan sendirinya. Teman yang lain berkata kesempurnaan hanyalah penyakit dalam kehidupan manusia yang obatnya tak kan pernah ditemukan. Bahkan, ada teman saya yang yakin mengatakan sempurna itu ilusi. Namun jawaban-jawaban tersebut belum bisa saya terima.

Sampai suatu ketika, saya mencapai titik terendah saya. Persis saya ingat hari itu: 10 Desember 2014. Ketika tekanan dari seluruh aspek kehidupan sudah tidak bisa saya dibendung lagi, hati boleh mati rasa, tapi fisik saya tidak. Tekanan ini membuat saya tumbang, flu berat dan migraine yang tidak saja membuat saya lemah secara fisik, namun lemah secara jiwa. Cuma bisa dideskripsikan sebagai capek lahir batin.

Saya ingat saya pergi ke kampus sore hari untuk meeting. Muka saya kusut tak keruan. Selama meeting saya cuma bisa diam, senyum jika dibutuhkan. Pulangnya saya berjalan kaki dari gedung fakultas. Cuma itu yang saya ingat. I was in auto-pilot mode. That part of the day was a blur.

Bagaikan ibu saya memiliki telepati, persis sampai dikama saya langsung mendapat telepon dari ibu saya. Ia menanyakan kabar saya, mengekspresikan rasa kangennya karena sudah lama saya tak pulang. Ketika Ia hendak mengakhiri telepon, Ibu saya spontan mengucapkan kalimat sederhana, “jangan lupa berdoa, ya!”

Berdoa.

Those words suddenly dawned on me. Saya sering kok berdoa, tapi tidak membuat saya lengkap. Tapi saya kehabisan opsi. Saya gak tau musti kemana. Hari itu saya berdoa, namun tidak sembarang berdoa. Doa yang saya panjatkan kali ini tidak seperti doa yang sering saya panjatkan, alih-alih malah seperti curhat kepada sahabat lama yang sudah tak bertemu bertahun-tahun.

Saya menumpahkan semuanya. Rasanya seperti bak air yang sudah penuh, tidak bisa membendung air dari keran lagi. I let go of the wall that I used to build so high up. Saya hanya bicara, bicara, dan terus bicara. Kadang diselingi tumpahan air mata. Tiba-tiba saya merasakan suatu perasaan aneh. Rasa yang sudah lama tak saya dapatkan.

Saya merasa damai. Seperti beban yang baru saja diturunkan dari badan saya. Saya merasakan utuh, seakan saya mengenal diri saya sendiri lagi.  Saya teringat saya masih terus berbicara, namun kini arah doa saya berubah. Instead of bitching and moaning about life, I started to thank about everything in my life. Saya mulai mengucap syukur atas teman-teman disekitar saya yang mensupport saya. Saya mengucap syukur untuk kehidupan yang Tuhan berikan. Saya mensyukuri segala hal yang Ia berikan. And the moment I said amen, my heads become clearer. Dan percayalah, kepala yang dingin membuat kita berfikir jernih. As one of my friends always says to me: Where the mind goes, the energy flows, and that's what grows.

I began to think about life the other way around. I started to think about all the things that I got. Mulai dari teman-teman yang ada disekeliling saya, orang tua yang selalu support saya, all the privileges that I have. Hal tersebut membuat saya tersenyum. Dan akhirnya saya mengerti. 

I understand that happiness is a choice. Happiness is in the palm of your hands. Stop searching for happiness, but start choosing it! Kebahagiaan tak pernah kemana-mana, Ia selalu ada dalam dirimu. Tak perlu ke ujung dunia untuk mencari kesenangan. Cukup memilihnya. Sesederhana itu. 

Ketika mengetahui bahwa jawabannya ada dalam diri saya sendiri, saya pun kembali menanyakan pertanyaan berikutnya: What is perfection? And the answer is as simple as this: you can strive for perfection, but you cannot be it.  Accept the fact that nothing in this word is perfect, that the imperfection is the perfection itself.

Jadi buat kamu yang actually membaca tulisan gila ini, mari berkaca dan lihat diri kita sendiri. Apakah kita sudah ‘bahagia’? Masih mencari kesempurnaan? Jawabannya ada didepanmu, refleksi dirimu sendiri yang sedang melihat kembali dirimu yang sebenarnya. Kamu yang harus memilih kebahagiaan itu. Kamu yang harus menerima kenyataan bahwa ketidaksempurnaan adalah kesempurnaan itu sendiri. Stop searching out, start looking in.

Masuki tahun baru dengan kebahagiaan dan kesempurnaan sebenarnya.

HAPPY New Year. Don’t worry, be happy.

Sunday, January 26, 2014

FUNNY GIRL: LENA DUNHAM'S VOGUE COVER

 
Let me just start by saying that I don't hate Lena, nor I love her.

But thanks to HBO's 'Girls' and a Golden Globes award for best writing in a comedy and musical, this comedian/actress/writer has become a household name. So Vogue didn't waste anytime to put her on the cover. And boy, this cover has raised a topic that's been around for ages now: Air Brushing.

The blogosphere has been swarmed by Dunham's pictures inside the magazine. They say that it's heavily air brushed because she is 'not a Vogue's cover girl size', she doesn't look like herself, yada yada yada. The most ridiculous thing, a blog accused that the bird at the bird shot wasn't real, that Vogue had to post a behind the scene pic on their instagram to proof that it was real. Another blog called Jezebel.com—which by the way super touchy with this topic— offered a $10,000 bounty to anyone who would slip them the unretouched photos from Lena Dunham's Vogue cover shoot. 

Here's my opinion—not that it matters: A little Air Brushing won't hurt anyone. But it is wrong if it's super air brushed like Kate Winslet's  Lancome ad campaign years ago. I personally think that Dunham's Vogue cover is tastefully retouched. She still looks like her in my eyes.

Nevertheless, I love seeing her as the cover. It feels fresh and young. The inside pictures are also amazing. You can see it full here.

OOH by the way, Vogue.com post this short film featuring Lena and Hamish Bowles. Enjoy!

A NEW ERA OF COUTURE: CHANEL SPRING 2014

Karl Lagerfeld has been given many names: Kaiser, Satanist—thanks to the controversy from his use of a verse from the Qur'an in his spring 1994 couture collection for Chanel, God Father of Fashion, and so on. But after this collection, I'm giving him a new name: Revolutionist.

Yes, Lagerfeld shown how couture doesn't have to be a frou-frou-super-fuzzy ball gown. It can be understated, cool, and still understandable for everyone without loosing its appreciation to detail and technique. Couture can also be fun and witty—remember Schiaparelli's lobster dress?  And this collection proof just about it.

The set is pretty simple: a super white set with 2 'couture stairs' that reminds me of the stairs at Coco Chanel's 31 Rue Cambon apartment. Shaggy French pop star Sébastien Tellier and his orchestra serenade the show while the models glided onto the stage. "It's an ice palace, a nightclub on another planet," He described.

The clothes are the one that shocked everyone. A classic Chanel couture tweed suite paired with manny-pack, elbow and knee safety pads? Only Karl can think about that. Another shocking factor are those midriff corsets—the piece of clothing that Coco herself loathe to death and tried to cast off a century ago. Oh that's more. All the looks are paired with SNEAKER—even the 'couture bride' look. But it's not just a regular sneaker, it's a €3,000ish couture sneaker by Massaro (base with python, adorned with lace, pearls, and tweed).

With this collection, couture has just been civilized. Hat's off Uncle Karl.

See the full collection at Nowfashion.com

photo credit: Nowfashion.com

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

LET'S TALK ABOUT MENSWEAR: FALL 2014 FAVS

I don't talk a lot about menswear. I believe men should be two things: dapper and sharp. I usually just search for some cool men #ootd pictures to know what's the trend for men nowadays (running shoes are on the rage. I've been wearing my New Balance for a while instead of loafers). That's it. 

But my great friend, Alex, has been talking about how menswear nowadays is more than just suit and tie. So, I decided to check it myself. And I gotta say, it's very interesting how these designers revolutionize menswear fashion to be super chic and cool without looking too dandy. Here are some of my favorites:
  1. Burberry Prorsum. I've been a fan of Christopher Bailey's Burberry menswear since I saw that infamous fox sweater. This season, he mixes masculine and feminine into this artist-bohemian collection that he named it as 'A Painterly Journey'. It's a bit dandy for my taste, but some of the pieces are too die for.
  2. Louis Vuitton. I've seen LV's menswear collection for, maybe a split second in magazines. They always present a very polish and classic design with a bit of a twist. This season, Kim Jones—LV's menswear designer—took Alpaca, the native of Chile and Peru, as inspiration—seen with the weater and a cashmere coat, woven into blanket stripes for a blouson. He also brought another native of Andean native, the vicuña, rarest of the rare, ludicrously luxurious. So much so, in fact, that the vicuña coat, blouson, and lounging suits will be available only as part of Vuitton's made-to-order service. I think this is a solid collection.
  3. Kenzo. Humberto Leon and Carol Lim continues to bring Americana to French. This season they infuse a french chic with classic American sportswear preferably to Pacific Northwest. It consists of four-button jackets squared at the waist, cropped knitwear, and high straight pants in forest-floor colors of mud and leaf. Classic men with a twist. 
  4. Dolce&Gabbana. This is a shocker. D&G used to design this classic italian men clothes. But this year, they manage to look cool. The sweaters with medieval portrait? GENIUS. They also added these crowns to their models that looked like it was taken from the Game of Thrones set, which is more strange because they admit that they never watch the show. 
  5. Givenchy. The king of cool never fails to make a great collection. The basketball court lined by neon lights and the fishnet on the models' faces? Cool. But then he mix this athletic wear—the muscle tees, trainer-esque trousers, basketball shoes—with something so impeccably design like a sheer lining sweater that resemblance the lining of basketball court? ONLY RICARDO TISCI CAN THINK OF THAT. Once again, hats off to Tisci.